My fear: what if I really am crazy and I didn't know?! What if they meet me and tell me no way?!
The first shop we went into the sales woman asked what brought us to the town. When we told her, she started tearing up and told us her story. She had went through years of miscarriages, infertility, and eventually found out she had an auto-immune disorder. She used a surrogate to have her son. That was 11 years ago! It was such a divine encounter to meet with her first thing. It really gave my husband a firsthand experience of what it was like on the opposite side of things. To really see her gratitude and payoff of her having her son and just to be able to be a mommy! She was super excited. Like really, really excited... so much so I had to give my husband the 'let's go eyes' for him to pull us away! Haha, I understood... but we had shopping to do, things to see, and food to eat in such a short amount of time!!!
Being the capital of Maryland...I wouldn't think it would be a hub (the main center is in California of course) for the surrogate center. Mainly because it's so quaint, small, ...and northern.
Northern people have always scared me a little! They are so blunt, honest, and 'to the point'. I used to think it was rude...but now I really admire northern people.! Sometimes I get so frustrated around here of people saying, "bless their hearts", dancing around things, and not saying what they feel in order to be so polite!. Well maybe just to seem polite to your face :) You know it's true. We all do it.
Talking to someone on the phone and meeting them in person is so different. She wasn't so scary at all! She was down to earth, kind of frazzled like me, and genuine. When she said she was a psychotherapist I did get a little uncomfortable! She followed with, "i'm not your personal counselor so if you need some therapy get it from someone else!" Great. Love her more.
We sat in a very comfortable room on a couch while she went through her list of things to discuss. We were offered water or soda....look some northern hospitality after all ;)
First, she explained the history of Center for Surrogate Parenting, the roles of individual staff, and her role as the counselor between us and the parents. Next was about confidentiality. She wanted us to know how important it was to keep the parents confidential; not friending them on Facebook, instagram, twitter etc. GEE! How hard will that be!? I have people i've never even met in person as online friends and we are having a baby together! lol. On a selfish side, It's kind of sad that I won't be able to completely share their story on this blog! However, I do understand why it is important!!! They have a baby and a family to protect.
We then discussed the medical aspect of surrogacy. That included what to expect with travel/fertility clinics, IVF, the timeline, possibility of carrying multiples, that I couldn't contract diseases, etc. In closing we talked more we more about ourselves, relationships, expectations, and level of contact we wanted with the parents. I didn't really know! I want to have a great relationship with them, that's what excites me about this! My mom calls me 30 times a day, and it doesn't bother me, so I would want them to be open to call me whenever as well! Bonding is so important, and I want to be open for them to do what they want to do to bond with their baby. There may be a lot of feelings, or reservations, that get in the way of that..so I said I was open to whatever they wanted. The rule is that you have to talk at least once per week over the phone or Skype. Just so it stays a human relationship and not business like.
One of her questions was checking if our religious beliefs prevented us from wanting to work with different races, religions, or countries. Nope! I was so shocked to find out that surrogacy is illegal in a lot of countries!! Some countries won't recognize a baby as family even if it is adopted. It has to be blood origin. So, their only option is to come to the US.
Matching is based on my location, Kentucky surrogacy laws, what we want, what the parents want, etc. Barbra said she takes her time to put in a lot of thought and consideration so she can send me 1-2 couples (rarely 3) that she feels would be a best match. I love that they are so extensive about matching! Also, that I won't be overwhelmed with a lot of couples and want to help them all :(
Next steps:
- Finish the personality tests
- During the next 3 weeks she will send us 1-3 couples to review
- We choose- they send our profile to them
- If they agree we talk once a week over phone/email until we can meet
- Meet in person
- I go to a fertility facility to make sure blood work, ultrasounds of my uterus, etc are clear
- Parents finish loose ends (lawyer, finances,etc)
- Prepare for IVF- should take about 4 months from start to finish
- Baby time!!!
She said to mail it back with no coffee or grease stains...
I'll try.
Maybe she didn't really understand me after all.
As long as "no serious personality flaws" come through we can continue the process!
So here's to praying over the next steps of our journey! Praying that God prepares our hearts to be open and accepting, praying for good health so that my body is ready for baby, praying that God is completely in matching us, and that we are matched with parents whom we can love and grow with! And tonight as we are preparing for bed that God just be with them, comforting their hearts, as their baby is on the way <3