I'm at the point now that strangers are comfortable asking me about my pregnancy and commenting. No mistaken my belly over here! Everyone loves to comment on a pregnant belly. Good or bad...it all comes out and people loose their filter, haha. I've had people ask me if I have checked with a Dr. to make sure it was ok that I was as big as I am at this point, that I'm smaller than I should be, that I'm so short it's just going out and spreading, and that they could tell I was having a boy because my nose was spreading. Sweet.
My dilemma at this point is...how do I deal with the general public?! Do I tell everyone who ask? Do I mention surrogacy? Do I just say, "I'm due in June." "It's a boy." "We are excited." "Yep, I have two and this is my third pregnancy."?! Obviously, I don't want to go into detail at the checkout line or with my waiter...but I do want to share it with everyone and allow people to witness surrogacy first hand! I'm an open book, maybe too much so sometimes.
It has been exhausting emotionally at times when people have been negative. No one has been deliberately mean to my face...99% of the time it's, "How could you do that?" "I could never do that. I could never give away a baby." "Why would you do that?" "You get paid, right?" "That's good for you, I'll pray for you because you're not going to want to give that baby up". Which I get, it's not something people have given a lot of thought to in order to form an opinion. I would have probably said the same thing!
I fully understood going into this that everyone has their own belief and value system and can make and be entitled to their own opinions. It's exhausting because I can't, in a 3 min conversation, capture the whole picture of surrogacy! just feel like i want to change their perspectives. How do I let people know the extent that I love the couple I'm doing this for. How do I let them know how much this means to a family they have never met? How much I want them to have and hold their baby?That it's not just about handing over a baby and walking away from him for life?
The bonding and attachment question. He's big now, I can feel him move all the time. Although, he's a lot calmer and much sweeter to me than my kids ever were! I love feeling him move because it lets me know he's ok. My husband, who is the most supportive and amazing life partner, puts his hands on my belly to feel him move or say hi to him daily. My husband has such a sweet heart, he couldn't not care about a child or his wife being pregnant. So, yes we are attached! We love him and want to protect him! It's just different. So different.
I honestly didn't know how I would feel when I got to this point! I genuinely feel like... this is not my baby. I feel like i'm pregnant and this is the job I have to grow him....and I feel excited for him to meet his parents! Almost like he's a niece or nephew, or a grandchild. Maybe I'm weird for feeling that way? Maybe it's because I've emotionally prepared myself to feel that? Maybe I'll have baby fever once this is over? Who knows. I'll let you know!
My 2 year old for the first time has noticed my belly. I was trying on clothes in Target and she says, "Oh! Mommy has a BIGGGG belly! I have a belly too, see?!" She's too small to understand, so we don't talk to her about a baby or mommy being pregnant. She would loose her mind if I had a baby anyway, She has no maternal instinct right now and despises all babies being near her. Mermaids and princesses are a different story. Abram, for a 4 year old, seems to have a solid understanding. It's really cool. He's upset right now because they changed the name from one of the names they were originally thinking, It has him all distraught! My mom has been supportive as well. Asking about the couple, caring about them, asking about the baby and Dr. appointments, wanting to feel him move. It means so much that even though this is not my baby or her grand baby that she still cares about him growing, and me being pregnant.
Weekly Belly Pictures <3
Baby weighs almost 2 pounds and is 14 inches long. Opening and closing eyes and sucking fingers. Brain is very active and has settled into wake/sleep patterns.
Cravings:
Applesauce. I bought it for my kids and now I'm obsessed. Not much else. Craving more sweets. I have to eat every hour (literally every hour) or I get light headed, weak, nauseated, and sick. Blood glucose test next week. Gag.
Feelings:
I feel great. I can't believe time is going by so fast. I'm not sure why I didn't enjoy pregnancy more with my babies. Maybe I was young, too anxious to meet them, or I didn't understand what a miracle having a baby is. Gaining weight and a belly is fun and exciting this time. I'll be quiet before it all goes downhill.
Exercise:
I had really slacked on working out. We had tons of snow and were stuck inside for days. It made me super lazy. Unless I am on a routine of working out...sleeping always wins. Occasionally I would work out at home doing small things. 2 weeks ago my back started really hurting and I was having leg cramps. I still have a while to go and I didn't want to have a difficult time. My last 2 pregnancies were so difficult at the end. I knew I needed to lift some weights and strengthen my back and lower abs. My husband agreed to be my workout partner again after he dissed me to workout with his friends when he thought I was weak :) We are back on a routine and while it hurts to walk now from soreness....I feel so much better physically and emotionally. I have already gained 25 pounds. Which I'm not worried about how much weight...it's more of what those pounds are made up of. French fries and chips or fresh whole foods. I'm doing my best now to supply my body and baby with a steady supply of nutritious foods. So hard!